Welcome to birth trauma stories Podcast

Pregnancy Part 1

The first part of my second birth story began in early January 2019. Our first daughter was a complete surprise. My husband always wanted to wait to have kids so I always felt a tinge of guilt that we got pregnant only 6 months after we were married and only 1 month after I started a new job as a nanny to a 3 month old baby girl. (God really does have a sense of humor!) 

This time we sat down and actually had a conversation about trying for a second baby. 

We knew we always wanted at least 2 children and I thought 2 under 2 would be fun! It was healing for my heart (and the guilt) to actually have the conversation…little did I know I was already pregnant. I scheduled an appointment with a new OB because I was contemplating having a vaginal birth after cesarean (VBAC). On the day of the appointment we got the sonogram first, then met the OB in her office. I remember being disappointed to find out I was only 6 weeks along but more so, that she said I was not a candidate for a VBAC. 

I was devastated but appreciated the OB’s honesty.

 In late January I traveled to see my Twinky after she delivered her third baby. What a joy it was to support my sister and meet my new niece! I remember we took Bella Anne for her first doctor’s appointment. As I was waiting in the waiting room, I received a phone call from my OB. 

There was a concern with the baby. 

My heart sank. Here I was in a different state, trying to support my twin after a traumatic delivery, and trying to act like everything was fine because I didn’t want my twin to know. I didn’t want to upset her even more while she was trying to recover. I think I lied and said I had to go to the bathroom to call my husband. I remember saying “Hunny, there’s something wrong with my pregnancy. Something about a cervix?” trying to hold back tears. Thankfully my husband is incredibly steadfast in hard moments! He calmed me down and we would go back to the OB when I got home. I texted my friend Cynthia asking for prayers, splashed water on my face, and continued on with the appointment.

A couple of weeks after I came home we went for a sonogram.

 The OB confirmed I need to see a high risk doctor. 

There was the possibility of a short cervix. I remember having emotional whiplash as the joy of adding to our family was dashed. The biggest blessing was my good friend Raven, had the same condition and explained what would need to happen if that was the case. Another couple of weeks later we went to see a high risk OB and he said I was too early in my pregnancy to confirm a short cervix. I would need to follow up a couple of more times, but at this point there wasn’t a concern. 

Such a sigh of relief! 

 Skin to skin with my new niece!