Welcome to birth trauma stories Podcast

The Joy & Grief in Driving


Last week I was finally approved to drive after 3 long years. But there are restrictions. I have to have an adult in the car with me, no highways, and no driving with my children. Logically it makes sense. When a person gets their permit, you don’t just hand them the keys. You make sure they are safe and have hundreds of hours of practice before they are cleared to drive by themselves. 

But the funny thing about our hearts is it doesn’t always listen to logic.

For probably a year and a half my oldest has asked “Mommy can you take me to school?” Of course I say. To which she adds, in the driver’s seat. She’s so so smart. To her little brain driving in the driver’s seat is different from riding in the passenger seat. 

All weekend I have been sad that I have these restrictions.

This momma just wants to give her daughter the desires of her heart. I feel like I have a taste of freedom, but I want more. I want to be able to take my oldest to school. I want to run to the grocery store by myself. I want to not have to find a ride for every appointment.

Then yesterday morning I was listening to More than Anything by Natalie Grant. The chorus goes like this:

Help me want the Healer

More than the healing

Help me want the Savior

More than the saving

Help me want the Giver

More than the giving

Oh, help me want You, Jesus

More than anything

I felt completely convicted. The Lord has done so much in these last three years to heal my body and help me achieve my goals. Just because achieving this goal doesn’t look exactly like what I want doesn’t mean it isn’t still amazing. So while I am sad I have restrictions, I am also incredibly grateful to be driving again…even if it’s with a chaperone (aka my hubby). Because I will get there. I will keep working hard to be able to drive my sweet girl to school!