When Christmas Feels Different: Trusting God in a Season of Loss

These 14 months have been some of the hardest my family has endured due to a season of grave loss. 

It started when we lost our church and church family. Many think we wanted to leave. We did not, and yet we are called to be faithful to the Lord. In this, we also lost one of our closer relationships. Many changed drastically. And obviously, Eli lost his job at the church. 

Then come January Eli lost his job at Wycliffe. 

Poor guy lost two jobs in two months. Again, we are trusting God!

Then in November, we lost my sister’s husband, Carvell, to Stage 4 cancer. 

He fought so diligently for 34 months. Enduring countless appointments, overwhemling side effects, being on disability. While I’m grateful he is longer in pain, it has been challenging to grieve because I can’t remember the last time I saw him. I think I hold some guilt over this. Its has also been challenging as I fumble through supporting my sister and my niece. You are not supposed to lose your husband in his forties. They planned a long life together. Endured multiple hard seasons and again, we are called to trust God’s sovereignty.

Next, we celebrated Carvell's life on his birthday which also was the 11th anniversary of losing my beloved Grandfather. 

While that day was not about him, it was challenging to not be extra sad because Grandpa is no longer here. I just know he would have given me the biggest hug and told me how super he was. My grandfather was the family that I was closest with. No matter how bad of a mood I was in he could always make me smile. After finally reaching my goal of walking a crane at work in the bird show, I remember how excited I was to show him and my grandmother. He’s probably told me he was proud of me, but what happened in the subsequent touchpoints is what mattered most. Every time there was a phone call or shortly after a hug, he would ask, “How’s Houdini?”. My grandfather was a highly intelligent man and loved dogs, but was not really much of an animal person; at least not as much as me. And yet he cared so much about me and what I was passionate about he always asked.

Needless to say this season of loss has been so hard and the Lord Is near. 

In particular at Christmas Eve service, the band starts to play my favorite Cheristmas hymn. As I listen to the lyrics worshipping the Lord, all I could think about was my sister and my niece and how hard this season is for them. Silent Night almost always makes me tear up and I think they’re ending the service with it as many churches do. However, I was wrong. 

The worship team then starts to play Joy to the World. 

Some of you may know my sister’s name is Joy. Being lovely sisters we tormented her with that song for years. I know, not very nice, but on Christmas Eve I couldn’t help but thank the Lord for a mercy drop. Knowing that Carvell is in heaven, no longer in pain, and we will be here to support our family as much as possible.

Maybe you are in a season of loss. 

Maybe your perinatal trauma has drastically changed your daily life. 

Maybe family planning now looks different. 

Let me encourage you, the Lord is near. 

Jehovah-Shammah is comforting you. 

Trust me, it will not always feel like it, and He is.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.“ Matthew 11:28-30